Month: December 2016

What the fuck is up, Slab Bacon?!  Welcome to round motherfucking 2 of the god damn playoffs!  A lot of teams suffered through a brutal Wild Card round and we just had a lot of lousy performances all around.  But now we’re ready to move the fuck on because we’ve got four teams left in their corners ready to duke it out in the Semi-Finals for their chance to win the Porkgasm.  Don’t forget that there is 1 game this Saturday so be sure to check the schedule and your lineup and don’t powerfuck yourself by not paying attention.  Good luck this week!

Facing off each other for the 3rd time this season, we have division rivals J.J and the Mercs ready to mount up for round 2.  Both teams have played very different brands of fantasy football throughout the regular season.  J.J. has steamrolled the entire league by about 150+ points and averaged a fucking impressive 104 points per game, a score the Mercs hadn’t reached until last week. The Mercs have sort of lazily marched into the playoffs by having a steady enough floor and favorable match-ups..  We saw them peak in week 13 at 99.2 points and then they finally posted their first 100+ game in round 1 last week.  While J.J. is the clear favorite to outscore the Mercs, something they have actually struggled with this season is their Quarterback play. On the other hand, the Mercs have had very consistent QB play with solid stable of running backs, but have struggled terribly with their shithouse Wide Receivers.  They were just never able to recover in that area after trading for Le’Veon Bell.  This week, both of these teams have GREAT QB match-ups with Matt Ryan against the Shit-9ers and Russell Wilson against the Shitty Rams, but let’s not forget the team the Rams have actually had success against this year.  J.J. Wattshappenin’ has outscored the Mercs in all but 2 regular season games (one of them resulting in a L to the Mercs) so unless there’s a freakishly insane upside performance from the Mercs, I see them moving on the Pork Bowl.  Including +3 Homefield advantage, I say J.J. by 19.5.

Here we have the 2Pac division winner in a grudge match against the Biggie division runner-up.  The league’s 2Pac winner took a serious ass beating the last time FAF HAM aka the Reach Master squared up in week 6.  That was the week TheMostBlounted lost Jamaal Charles and posted their season low of 50 points.  Both teams have changed up quite a bit since then, so I expect to see a nice re-match here in Round 2.  -TheMostBlounted is surprisingly here after an ugly start to the season, and they’ve made a strong case for most improved team in the league.  Their entire running back situation fell apart at the beginning of the year, but after the breakout performance from motherfucking Jay Ajayi, they were able to make a trade which filled that void at RB.  Next thing you know, Thomas Rawls comes back then Davante Adams had some big games and here they are!  I think that trade marked the turning point in their season and they ended the season winning 5 of the last 7 and even earned a few bacon banners along the way.  FAF HAM has been strong all season, and you definitely have to be a strong team to tie with J.J. Wattshappenin’.  The only reason they didn’t get the number 1 seed is because they were 1 win short in their divisional record for the 2nd tier of tiebreakers.  They have a very sound team with hardly any flaws.  If you go back and look at their 4 losses, they are all for different reasons.  Either the QB, WR, RB, or collectively struggled.  Not one position is consistent in sucking and they don’t suck often.  One challenge they will face is the loss of Melvin Gordon, no doubt that is going to be a huge blow.  Losing a top 5 RB in the semi-finals is fierce punch in the nutsack.  If Melvin Gordon was playing I would favor FAF HAM way more, but I think it’s going to be so close we could possibly see homefield advantage screw someone out of a playoff win in this game.  Even though TMB has homefield, I’ll take FAF HAM by 4.5.