2017 in the Fucking Books!

What the fuck is up Slab Bacon?  First of all, I just want to say sorry for sucking so much at doing write-ups this year.  My workload was much higher this season and also discovering Tinder kinda dug into my fantasy football hobby.  Naturally, my job as commissioner suffered.  My bad y’all.  I haven’t done a full write-up since week 7 so this one will cover a lot of shit.  I’ll go over the league results, some notable milestones, Pentathlon with the Eliminator results, the loser punishment, our offseason vote, and probably a few other things too.

Congratulations to Bangers and Thrash!


Our 2017 Champion Bangers and Thrash has been crowned with the Porkgasm trophy after a dominating season!  BnT was HOT AF the in 2nd half of the season losing only 1 game after week 6 and scoring under 100 points only twice in that 9 game span.  They absolutely torched the scoreboard earning 7 god damn bacon banners which shatters the previous SBFFL season record of 3.  No doubt this team got hot at the right time and remained hot throughout the playoffs.   This is BnTs first Championship title after their 2nd Pork Bowl appearance, which puts them at 4-2 for their career in the post-season.  Congratulations!

Other Milestones…

    • In week 4 Rex’s Revenge made their career stats look extremely sexy.  After only 56 GP (breaking JJ Wattshappenin’s record of 57 and now 2nd behind only Battlewagon with 52) they reached the 5K milestone with 5063.1 total points with an average of 90.4 PF/G (breaking JJ Wattshappenin’s record of 89.27 and now 2nd behind only Battlewagon with 97.0)
    • In week 8 we saw 2 owners join the 5K club.  Pool Rats hit 5076.7 points after 60 GP (6th – T) and with an average of 84.61 PF/G (6th) and Drop it like it’s Popp it 5034.9 points after 60 GP (6th – T) and averaged 83.9 PF/G (7th).
    • In week 9 we saw FAF HAM join the 5K club. After 61 GP (7th) and an average of 82.82 PF/G (9th) they are the 9th team in SBFFL history and the last team of 2017 to reach 5K.
    • Only 3 teams remain that have yet to reach 5k, the next team up is The Most Blounted who still has a ways to go but with a solid pace at 39 GP and 87.4 PF/G.
  • In week 11, JJ Wattshappenin’ became the very first team in SBFFL history to earn 50 career wins!  This team has been dominant their entire career in this league posting a minimum of 8 wins every single season.  When they reached 50 wins, they had a career regular season record of 50-26.  In those 76 games played, they put up an outstanding win percentage of 66%.  Congratulations to JJ Wattshappenin on this mega milestone!
  • Hats off to Oregon Trail Battlewagon for continuing to be dominant in this league.  They earned the best regular season record of 10-3 which ties the league record earned by Sexy Rexy back in 2014.  They have the most Pork Bowl appearances with 4 which include 2 titles and a career post-season record of 6-2.  The only playoff games they’ve ever lost have been the Pork Bowl.

Eliminator Challenge Results

If you guys forgot, we have a Super Pentathlon going to determine the draft order next year.  We still have 4 more events to go, but lucky for you there is only 1 more event where you can actually control your destiny, the other 3 events will be determined by a raffle.  The results of the Eliminator Challenge are in the table below.  Most of you did extremely well, including Battlewagon who earned a perfect score.  Impressive!  The more points you earn the better chance you have of receiving a high draft pick.  The next event will be a March Madness bracket which I will orchestrate when the time comes, so stay tuned for that.  You can track everything about the Pentathlon and read all the rules in this beautiful spreadsheet here.


Micheles, Micheles, Micheles…

In back to back years the SBFFL noobie has finished dead last, and I have to admit that makes me pretty god damn happy.  I hope SBFFL continues to welcome any potential newcomer with a punishment. So let’s hear it for our friend Micheles.  Cushing 40 Pushing/Zeke’s Girlfriend, you have a choice.  You can put a Dallas Cowboys decal on the back windshield of your main vehicle until draft day next year OR you can PayPal $300 towards the draft party in Lake Charles next year.  Let the league know ASAP so we know whether or not to harass you for proof of the sticker.  And thanks for playing!

Offseason Vote

I’ve almost wrapped up the Google forms I’ll be emailing out to collect your votes for the offseason.  Please keep your eye out for it over the next couple days and vote ASAP when you receive the form so we can get this shit over with.  That way we can just focus on March Madness and preparing for the draft.

2018 Draft

I still plan on doing the draft that we planned for last year in Lake Charles, this league deserves it.  We’ll nail down a date later but it WILL be the weekend of Labor Day or the weekend before.  We need everyone there so plan accordingly.  I hope to know for sure at the beginning of summer.

Thanks For Playing

f37788ba47b3c3fc6854e158700ec45a-dazed-and-confused-music-tvWe’ve got a great active league with great active owners that has 6 full seasons in the books now.  I’m glad for that so thanks for playing, everyone.  I’m looking forward to keeping this going year after year.  Keep the discussion going in GroupMe during the offseason and I’m always open to suggestions/feedback.  Check you later.