Category: Ranks

Welcome to Week Mother Fucking 4!

Happy fucking week 4, Slab Bacon!  We had an exciting and high scoring week 3, but week 4 brings even more excitement because starting now we can officially win Bacon Banners until the end of the post-season.  Moving forward, having the highest scoring team will get you $10 in your PayPal account.  Week 4 also brings the first round of byes, so pay attention. An international game is kicking off early this Sunday in London, so please make sure to get your line ups submitted on time.  Another fair warning, the PHI vs. WAS game MAY NOT HAPPEN this week due to hurricane drama.  If the game is delayed, it will be made up in week 8.  I do NOT know how this will affect fantasy, so consider that possibility when/if starting players on those teams this week.  Good luck!

Pool Rats – Boom or bust specialist Keenan Allen along with Greg Olsen’s coming out party carried the Pool Rats over FAF HAM, but the last standing undefeated team got their 3rd straight victory with a price = Big Ben and possibly Beast Mode.  With Edelman on bye they need a lot of bench to step up in week 4.

A Message from Pool Ratshttp://vocaroo.com/player.swf?playMediaID=s1Y5s2S5wdvH&autoplay=0

Audio recording software >>
Team Rex Grossman – Fantasy Zombie Larry Fitzgerald is playing like we know he should with a good QB and Jamaal Charles put the foot on the Mercs throat Monday Night.   Assuming they pick up an active TE for week 4, it should be a good game against fellow 2-1 divisional foe, J.J. Wattshappenin’.

J.J. Wattshappenin’ – This season has claimed it’s first victim of having a player listed active and NOT playing.  Nevermind the Chris Ivory goose egg, JJ made it happen against TheMostBlounted while Steve Smith ran around his team like they were little kids.  Important divisional matchup against a Gronkless 2-1 Team Rex Grossman.

Four Loko Power Trip – Power Trip survived a Monday Night Miracle that had Randall Cobb earning 3 of Rodgers 5 touchdowns pushing them to victory over the Bangers.  A good number of 20+ point players rocked the score board making Power Trip the highest scoring team of the week.  Not a bad feeling to have when you go from this stellar performance to being welcomed by our official league doormat, Carlos, in week 4.

A Message from Power Triphttp://vocaroo.com/player.swf?playMediaID=s0efiZABE6zZ&autoplay=0
Audio recording software >>
Another Message from Power Triphttp://vocaroo.com/player.swf?playMediaID=s0c0sXOlC6fw&autoplay=0
Audio recording and upload >>
Oregon Trail Battlewagon – Not a bad week from Battlewagon, but a couple of oopsie daisy’s like starting Chris Polk and the Dolphin’s D/ST basically cost them the win.  Despite having high draft picks like McCoy and D.Murray underperform, they’re still putting up solid points with bench scabs and hand cuffs.  There could be worse weeks to be scabby as they will be facing the struggling FAF HAM.

South Main Mercs –  The Mercs displayed another average performance by having all their players with a respectable floor reach that threshold and stay there for the entire matchup.  This resulted in their 7th career and 80 point pickle dick.  A trade with Popp nets the Mercs Jimmy Graham and CJ Anderson and they’re now facing an opportunity to get back to .500 against an injured Pool Rats team.
A Message from the Mercshttp://vocaroo.com/player.swf?playMediaID=s1jQAvCHcrU9&autoplay=0
Record and upload audio >>
Drop it Like it’s Popp – Popp is feeling good getting that first win of the season after suffering through Johnson’s goose egg and sweating over Maclin and Kelce on Monday Night.  They decided to part ways with CJ Anderson and Jimmy Graham to ride out Gio’s success and Desean Jackson’s awaited comeback.  You better believe Popp is going to bring it this week since he’s trying to reclaim that Maple Crown.  Andre Johnson welcome to dumpsville?

Bangers and Thrash – The most impressive week for the Bangers is also the most frustrating for the Bangers because they put up 117 points and still lost.  A great performance from AJ Green creates room on their trophy shelf for the leagues first Deadliest Catch award. Even though they lost, they’re looking to thrash it up and skitch on this momentum to get back on track against Popp in their 5th Maple Bowl.

A Message from Bangershttp://vocaroo.com/player.swf?playMediaID=s1MJKzBzFa6U&autoplay=0
Record audio or upload mp3 >>
FAF HAM – The Aaron Rodgers Prime Time Special that included 5 TD’s were the only TD’s produced by FAF HAM with the exception of Buffalo D/ST.  A lot of question marks are hovering around this roster going into week 4 so they’re hoping everyone’s upside hits.

– TheMostBlounted – Aside from Devonta Freeman putting up what will probably be the best fantasy day of his career, there was absolutely nothing here.  This team has officially reached Doormat status.  Welcome to the big leagues, this team is where you wipe your feet.

 

Mother Fucking Week 3

1. Pool Rats –  Mr.Pool Rat pulls out another victory by an insanely narrow margin (.2) despite becoming the first receiver of the “Look What You Did, You Little Jerk Award” (Keenan Allen -0.4).  Monster games from Big Ben and Edelman were enough to give the Rats 1st place in the Biggie division.
2. Oregon Trail Battlewagon –  5 dudes with 5 points and another case of a lucky shit show somehow getting a win.  This is the Battlewagon’s worst performance in memory and they can’t be feeling good about McCoy or Murray even though they did get the ugly win.
3. Team Rex Grossman –  Rex had the most impressive performance of the week and the star on his team was… Kaepernick??? WTF?  5 slots putting up 14 points or more handled FAF HAM’s squad like a mosquito bite.
 
4. South Main Mercs –  One of the most average and consistent performances with almost every player putting up 10 or 11 points, the Mercs fell short by a few to JJ.  If they can keep doing this every week they should win more often than not.  Still waiting on Demaryius Thomas’ first TD.
5. J.J. Wattshappenin –  A handful of players put up some good points in a nail biter against the Mercs.  Chris Ivory was able to seal the deal on Monday night in the 2nd half.  Exciting bench performances gives this team some flexural healing going into week 3.
6. FAF HAM –  The most hilarious performance of the week goes to FAF HAM for chalking up .1 points to Jeremy Hill who fumbled twice.  Other than Rodgers there were a couple mediocre performances at best.  They have to feel uneasy after falling the hardest in the power rankings going down 4 spots
7. Four Loko Power Trip –  Power Trip has a case of the Q’s and missed an easy opportunity for a victory against Battlewagon.  His MNF players couldn’t put up small points and apparently this weeks loss can be traced back  directly to “eating too much KFC” which caused Lacy to hurt his ankle and Gore to fumble at the goal line.
8. Bangers and Thrash –  Bangers got an ugly win with a terrible performance that luckily went up against an even more terrible performance.  They have to be doing cartwheels now that Le’Veon Bell is back.
9. Drop it like it’s Popp –  Amazing performance from Antonio Brown carried this underperforming team just shy of a victory.  The studs on this roster simply have not been pulling their weight, and if it doesn’t turn around soon, a panic button may appear.
10. -TheMostBlounted –  Embarrassed by Blount and fucked by Luck, a shit show for the most part netted this team 56.6 points and they still somehow avoided pickle dick.  I’m not sure if it can get much worse without injuries so hopefully better days are ahead.
http://vocaroo.com/player.swf?playMediaID=s1z4FSWSqtWw&autoplay=0