Week 6, Mother fuckers.

1. Pool Rats – The Philip Rivers to Antonio “Tony Tony Tony” Gates connections earned almost half the points for Pool Rats in their 103 point performance.  They pulled off the victory in an important divisional game against JJ Wattshappenin’ and now they sit on top with the best record in the league.  As their roster stands now, they’ll rely heavily on the Chargers offense with Rivers, Gates, and Allen in the mix.  Losing Dez, Big Ben, and Lynch hasn’t caused too much stress yet as they sit at 4-1.  But getting some of those guys back won’t make them so dependent on Charger touchdowns.  Looking to keep last place Bangers at bay in week 6.

2. Team Rex Grossman – Rex is coming off a nice 100 point victory with Kaepernick and the Broncos D/ST carrying the load.  The Broncos D have been incredible this year and is actually tied with Larry Fitzgerald for their best player at 83 points.   To give you an idea, their D has more points than players like Emmanuel Sanders, Jamaal Charles, Russell Wilson, and Peyton Manning. They are only 1.5 fantasy points behind Julio Jones. Team Rex Grossman is leading Slab Bacon in points and the Broncos D is responsible for about 20% of that.  Losing Jamaal Charles will hurt, especially when you don’t put in any waiver claims or do anything about it.  We’ll see if they can keep trucking with Stewart/Woodhead replacing Charles this week against Battlewagon.

3. Oregon Trail Battlewagon – Thomas Rawls had the Battlewagon Lawlzing all the way to the bank with his 22 point coming out party.  Todd Gurley looks like the real deal, tearing up 2 excellent defenses in back to back weeks.  It’s a small sample size but Gurley looks to be matchup-proof so far.  There was some ugly stuff going on in their roster like Matt Ryan only getting 6 and earning a Turnover trophy and the Ravens D getting 0, but the strong running game brought home the victory.  They’ll look to run game all over Rex Grossman’s face in week 6.

4. J.J. Wattshappenin – J.J. Wattshappenin’ had a J.J. Wautistic performance in an important divisional matchup which gave the Pool Rats the lead in the Biggie division.  Normally this team is solid, they’ve topped 88 points in the previous 3 weeks.  This loss just has to be chalked up to a brutal bye week for their running backs and injuries to Hankerson mid game.  Now that the bye week hell is over for J.J. they just need to get OBJ and Alshon healthy for this team to return to full form.

5. South Main Mercs –  The Mercs continued to play their brand of average fantasy football by getting mediocre production out of most players and putting up 82 points.  Sometimes it will work and sometimes it won’t.  This time it did because FAF HAM had a pickle dick performance.  The last 3 weeks they’ve put up between 77 and 82 points, and they might need more than mediocrity this week against a boom or bust Power Trip.


6. – TheMostBlounted – TMB was ranked #9 and facing ranked #10 Drop it like it’s Popp and they both surprisingly lead the league in scoring in week 5.  TMB torched the scoreboard with a season high 134 getting 20+ points from 4 different slots.  It’s hard to say there will be consistency.  You gotta think Devonta Freeman will fall back to earth at some point, but TMB has to feel good about the amount of upside.  They’ll look to continue making progress, and in week 6 they’ll have an opportunity to see who won the trade back in week 2 against FAF HAM.
7. Drop it like it’s Popp – Popp continues to have the worst luck and I continue to worry about his sanity.   The box score in week 5 resembles a Wack-A-Mole arcade machine, nothing but peaks and valleys, studs and duds.  They have a rough bye week coming up for their running backs, and on top of that,  Michael Vick seems to be the only player in the league that can shutdown Antonio Brown.  Maybe DJax will come back and provide some relief and the Andy Dalton and Tyler iFart connection looks promising and could provide a solid floor of fantasy points.

8. Four Loko Power Trip –  Poor performances from good players left a massive shit stain on the scoreboard for Power Trip.  The Green Bay offense had nothing for Lacy or Cobb and the Goose Egg from Owen Daniels pretty much left no chance of catching up to Team Rex Grossman.  When the Packers start clicking again they should be able to put up solid points as long as they can avoid those donuts and negative scores.  So far, the football gods have been unkind.  Here are a few messages from Power Trip for their matchup against the Mercs this week.

  mobile link:  [A MESSAGE FROM POWER TRIP]

9. FAF HAM – Bacon banner last week and pickle dick this week.  This is what you get when you have a low budget team that relies almost purely on upside and Aaron Rodgers.  FAF HAM is pretty much the B movie of the league, kinda like Troll 2 or Army of Darkness.  They can be really bad, really good, and pretty hilarious at the same time.  Aside from Rodgers’ 15 points, no other slot topped 8 points.  They’ve gotta turn it around quickly if they wanna keep up with the biggie division.  This week they’re on to MostBlounted coming off a bacon banner performance.

10. Bangers and Thrash – A fair performance from Bangers just wasn’t enough to get the win this week and unfortunately it caused them to drop to the bottom of the rankings.  Looking at the box score last week tells me that Peyton has been a kind of a douche to this team, and if the Broncos offense gets back to where it was last year, and the Jags figure out how to get Julius Thomas involved, this team should be able to come around in the 2pac division.  It’s a shame they didn’t realize during the draft that they actually selected really high voice Peyton Manning with cable, and they should have drafted Peyton Manning with DirecTV.  Braveheart trophy opportunity for Bangers this week as they face 1st place Pool Rats.