Welcome to week 4 of fantasy action and week 1 of the Bacon Banner! As we do every season, the highest scoring team of the week will win a $10.00 payout and we will run this contest every week until the end of the playoffs. This is also the first week of byes so make sure you’ve got a full starting lineup ready to go!
1.) South Main Mercs (0) – Took an L from DNAW after facing dominating performances from CMC, Cam, and AP. They ended up stuck waiting for Stafford to catch up on Sunday Night Football which was never ever going to happen. No doubt this team is shoveling salt since DNAW had only topped 90 points twice in their career prior to this. With 90+ points going on the board every week from the Mercs, they are primed to give the Werd Dawgs an ass beating in week 4.
2t.) J.J. Wattshappenin'(+5) – Drew Brees demonstrated the very definition of “carrying the team on your back” in one of the biggest single player performances I can remember seeing in a while. Brees: 40.5 / Rest of Team 50.3. This extends JJ’s winning streak to 6 over the Pool Rats making this career H2H record (8-2). Now they look for the W against Bangers and Thrash, something they shit the bed trying to do last year.
2t.) Oregon Trail Battlewagon (-1) – off to the strongest start coming into week 4 as the only 3-0 team and leading SBFFL in scoring. The only reason they dropped in the ranks is because of their ugly roster (according to FantasyPros). OTBW shrugged off TMB in an easy 22 point victory lead by Carlos fucking Hyde to make their career H2H record (6-1). Hot waiver add Calvin Ridley is now on the roster, we’ll see if he makes an appearance sometime soon. This week they’ll face Drop it like it’s Popp who they haven’t lost to since 2015.
4.) Rex’s Revenge (-1) – Very strong performance all the way down the roster in a game where the slaughter rule should have been enforced against Power Trip. If they had started Matt Ryan (40 points), they would have crushed their scoring record. Michael Thomas is on pace to break receiving records and Chris Carson is turning into the RB I thought he would in my draft summary. Next opponent might need more than Delanie’s Walker when Rex is finished.
5.) Drop it like it’s Popp (+4) – destroyed the Werd Dawgs and put up the league high of the week with 101 which is the teams highest score since week 3 of last year. Popp has been owning the Werd Dawgs since they’ve been in the league, this win makes them (4-0) H2H. Extremely solid performance across the roster and they are trending up. Their score has increased steadily and they are up 4 spots in the ranks. Trying to keep it going, #TeamPopp is looking to beat OTBW for the first time in over 2 fucking years.
6t.) FAFHAM (-2) – took a bummer of a loss in an extremely boring match-up that ended 78.4-72.9 to an opponent that had an almost identical performance and also has the exact same power ranking score. The only difference was his opponents QB is not on the bullet train to Canton, OH. Sometimes they’ll need more than Mahomes to win games, and they’re ready for 1st round draft pick Cook to come back on Thursday Night when they face FLPT, a team they’ve sucked quite a bit against (1-5) H2H.
6t.) Bangers and Thrash (+2) – took an ugly W powered mostly by Gurley and Gio which proves that the power of FAAB money and regular attendance at the Todd Gurley truther meeting can take down a bad lineup with a Hall of Fame quarterback. Bangers now have the edge over FAFHAM currently (4-3) H2H. They’ll meet J.J. Wattshappenin’ this week who they crushed last year by over 50 points.
8.) Delanie Needs a Walker (+3) – Earned a much needed division win against the Mercs with their 3rd highest career performance to date. They’ve been increasing their score every week, and now DNAW will try to continue the trend in week 4 when they face Rex’s Revenge who is currently averaging more PPG (100.1) than they have scored all season (98.8 season high). They’ll have to do it with their top 3 producers on bye (Cam, CMC, AP) so we’ll see if the $3 Andy Dalton bid pays off!
9.) Pool Rats (-4) – looked like they were on their way toward a respectable score and then Keen Allen forgot to show up for the 2nd week in a row and Phillip Lindsay got a little too huffy puffy (or maybe even salty) in the dogpile. Fucked by J.J. Wattshappenin AGAIN, they now find themselves in a division with 2 teams they haven’t won against in over 2 years. They’ll look to even out to 2-2 against a very Afghanistan-like The Most Blounted (bombed up and depleted).
10.) Four Loko Power Trip (-3) – Currently the favorite to earn the Vontae Davis award. Also the favorite to drag Amari Cooper out into the street and fight him. With the exception of Watson, the only productivity last week came from the bench. The scores are ranging from 67.5 to 103.9, you never know who’s going to show up- the Power Trip or the Four Loko. They’ve delivered the Power to FAFHAM in past with a career H2H record of (5-1). We’ll see what happens in Week 4.
11.) Werd Dawgs (-1) – You know your team is in trouble when your Defense (and by Defense, I mean Khalil Mack) is outscoring every single person on your fucking roster except Tom Brady (by only 1.8 points). Still without Freeman, Baldwin, Burkhead, and now Rishard Matthews leaving the Titans after basically losing his job to Corey Davis, they are going to need every available weapon to show up to take down the Mercs in week 4. They did it last year, not that they needed much, 98.8 – 46.6. Yikes.
12.) The Most Blounted (0) – The winner of the Fitzmagic sweepstakes saw their golden boy carry the entire team to a 63.7 loss making them 0-3 and ranked dead fucking last. Losing Bell obviously hurts, but you also expect to see much more from players like Drake and Michel. If we don’t see some younger players on the bench start busting out, we might see ownership make more moves. They’ll be crossing their fingers this week for a repeat of last years match-up vs. Pool Rats when they crushed them 119.2 – 74.1.